My Birth Story
When I discovered I was pregnant, I was only 22 years old & uninsured. I was enrolled in college part time and working full time hours with no benefits. I felt excited, scared and overwhelmed all at the same time. I had been on a holistic, self healing journey since my teenage years so physically I felt prepared. Prior to conceiving, I maintained a very clean vegan diet and was active in the gym. Emotionally, I felt nervous because of the magnitude of the responsibility that was ahead but I was determined to rise to the occasion.
Honestly, the greatest challenge I faced was my limited finances. I owed student loans and lived in a New York City apartment with a roommate to split the cost of monthly expenses. I worked by day as an administrative assistant and went to school at night. That was my life.
I’d moved to New York from Detroit at 17 years old to attend college. I quickly discovered the cost of living was way higher than what I anticipated, even living in the dorm. I left school for a period to seek employment and moved out into my first apartment in Crown Heights, Brooklyn at 18 years old with two other roommates that I met in college. To say things were scarce during that period would be an understatement. However, it was then that I first learned about the Park Slope Food Coop, farmers markets & how to save money on essential items in the bulk food section.
When I noticed the early signs of pregnancy, I did what a lot of uninsured people do. I went to a public hospital to get an official test. I couldn't afford a private physician and didn’t want to wait for an appointment with Planned Parenthood. After sitting in a South Bronx emergency room for what felt like an eternity, it was confirmed that I was 12 weeks pregnant. I left the hospital with a pamphlet on what my next steps should be and a referral for an outpatient clinic. I knew at that point I had some serious decisions to make regarding the kind of pregnancy I wanted to have and how I planned to deliver my baby.
I had recently read “Sacred Woman”, a book by Queen Afua. She is a master healer and pioneer in the womb wellness and holistic healing movement. I learned a lot about various teas and herbal remedies to use for a healthy pregnancy and how to prepare for childbirth. I also knew I wanted to deliver naturally and at home, which was considered unconventional & very radical at the time. No one in my family could understand why I would want to deliver my baby outside of a hospital or without an epidural. My partner’s family also thought my choice was extreme and unsafe. I had very little support with my decision at the time. Eventually, my mother came around. She started watching a show on natural childbirth on the Discovery channel and realized it wasn’t just something “I randomly” decided to do.
My next step was finding a midwife to help me birth my baby. There weren’t a lot of local resources listed online for this back in 2005. I relied more on the advice that was shared with me from other sisters in my community. I was given information for two black midwives who came highly recommended. I met with both to do an initial consultation before making a decision. I chose a certified nurse midwife named Memaniye. She had worked in the labor & delivery unit in a hospital for many years before returning to school to complete her advance degree in midwifery. I felt very comfortable with her right away. While Memaniye was in network to take several insurance plans, she also offered a sliding scale payment plan for mothers like me.
Throughout the duration of my pregnancy, I would come to my midwife’s home office in Bed Stuy, Brooklyn for my prenatal visits. I opted not to do a sonogram so I never officially learned the sex of my baby. I wanted to be surprised. This didn’t stop random people in my neighborhood in Harlem from taking guesses based on the shape and size of my growing belly. I could be walking down the street or waiting on line in a store and women would say “I can tell you’re having a girl or boy” and a conversation would ensue. This would always make me laugh. The only thing I really wanted was to deliver a healthy baby.
In every movie I saw growing up, when a woman's water breaks, it gushes down her legs and everyone around would become frantic. I now know that each woman is different because mine never broke. I felt mild contractions throughout the day but didn’t know I was in early labor. Once the contractions increased in intensity, I immediately called my midwife.
Memaniye said she would be there right away and sent over her assistant who lived nearby to help me prepare. When the assistant arrived, I immediately sat in the bathtub and began to feel some relief. The water was very soothing. It really helped to take the edge off of my contractions and had a natural analgesic effect. This allowed me to relax more and focus on my breathing.
Once the midwife arrived, I came out the tub. I had already dilated six centimeters and wanted to walk around my apartment. I felt completely comfortable and unrestricted. There were no hospital gowns or monitors attached. I freely went from room to room. Stopping only to hold on to the arm of a chair or my bed when needed. At times I got down on the floor in a kneeling position, that really helped to open me up too. I felt so uninhibited in front of them. I had my Anthony Hamilton CD playing in the background and was free to sing or scream and express myself vocally however I needed to.
Six hours later I was fully dilated and ready to push. I got into a comfortable squatting position on my bed and this is when the real work began. Every time Memaniye said push, I pulled on a strength I never knew I had. It felt ancient and primordial. I no longer felt like a physical being. I had transcended and was now a spiritual gateway. I felt life and the divine energy of God passing through my womb. When I finally gave my last push and my midwife said here’s your baby boy, I cried. It was the most beautiful, life altering experience I've ever had. I was forever changed. My son Zuri had crossed over into the physical realm and I had been rebirthed as an empowered, fearless, sacred and divine wombman.